Who would have thought that one of the best bars in Northeast Philly was located between an I-95 overpass and a junkyard? Fluke’s was the most recent stop on my list. I consider myself above average and an overachiever, so my Happy Hour festivities commenced 2 hours early. Happy Hour is such a general term. We started at about 3:00PM, which means we paid regular prices. Being retired and on a fixed income, $2 for a pint of beer was a little steep. Do you know who many hours my wife has to work to support my beer habit?

I was surprised to see a crowded bar at such an early hour. Perhaps because Fluke’s has the best barstools I have ever seen. It was like a party for my ass. These barstools were just about as comfortable as my recliner at home. They do, however, lack a certain safety feature that I require on all my barstools………seatbelts. My patent is still pending on bar rail airbags. Geez, you would think that someone would have thought of that by now. Necessity is the mother of invention. Your head slamming down on the bar top is the mother of all headaches.

Mike from New York was our guest drinker this week. He choose to drink Miller High Life, you know, "The Champagne of Beers". I downed a few Yuengling Lager pints and my son ordered up a couple Miller Lite pints. As we looked around the bar I saw many guys with a very handsome haircut. I was told that it is called a mullet. I have to say, I am thinking of joining their club.

About halfway through the festivities, Vince walks through the door and hands me a set of car keys. If you read last weeks column, Vince is my daughter’s significant other. Now, before I proceed with this story I need to give you a little background. I have a 1976 Chevy Monte Carlo that has been sitting in my garage for about ten years waiting for me to bring it back to it’s original glory. My wife says that she’s got that beat. She has a 1945 Husband that’s been sitting on a couch for ten years who she is trying to bring back to his original glory. I don’t find the humor in that. Now on with the story…… After Vince hands me the keys we walk out to the parking lot. At this point I am thinking that my kids knew how much I liked the new 2002 Cadillac last week at the car show. Could this be true? I was a good father, right? I deserve a new Cadillac. So, I look through the lot and Vince points his finger over in the distance. I see a Jaguar. Nooo, they wouldn’t have bought me a Jag. They couldn’t have bought me a Jag. I started to get really excited. Then I see more clear in the distance, a brand new Oldsmobile. Now your talking. I could see myself in a new Olds. As I am struck with amazement, Vince asks if I like it. I said sure , who wouldn’t? Vince said, "I know its not the right color." I said, "who cares what the color is? It’s a brand new Olds." Vince has a confused look on his face and disappointedly says, "umm, no Lar I pointed to the car behind the Olds." What did he buy me you ask? Drum roll please…………… The kid bought me another damn ‘76 Monte Carlo. Now I am the proud owner of 2 Monte Carlos. It’s not an Olds or a Caddy, but it saves me time and money trying to locate parts to rehab my Monte Carlo.

Finally, we made it to the Happy Hour. $1 Pints…… just saying those words brings a tear to my eye. Linda the bartender served up a couple sandwiches to soak up the beer. Question - When you are at a bar so long that you meet both the AM and the PM bartenders, do you tip both sets of bartenders? Do they pull tips at the end of the night? What’s the etiquette? If you know, please fill me in. By this time my daughter shows up after work and slams down a Coors Light. She managed to talk so me sense into us, so we decided it was time to leave Fluke’s.

Well , that’s another week. For all you folks that don‘t know what I look like. Keep an eye out for a dashingly handsome man that will be wearing a mullet and driving a ‘76 Monte Carlo with one red door and one tan door. Good thing my wife isn’t the jealous type.